Who am I

Who I Am

A deeper look into the quiet fighter behind the blog
  • 🌈 Autistic & Non-Binary I see the world through a beautifully different lens—patterns, sensory experiences, and emotions all hit deeper and louder. My gender exists outside the binary, and that’s okay. I’m me, fully and fiercely.
  • 🤍 Asexual I experience connection in ways beyond attraction. My heart is deep, curious, and full of love—I just don’t feel it the same way others do. And that’s valid.
  • 🧠 Depression & Anxiety Some days are storms in my mind. But I keep walking, even through the fog. I fight quietly and fiercely to find light in my own way.
  • 😴 Sleep Apnea & Insomnia Nights aren’t easy. Machines, wake-ups, buzzing thoughts. But I’m still here—still trying. I rest when I can, and I never stop searching for peace.
  • 🌀 Periodic Limb Movement My body jerks awake while I sleep. It’s frustrating. But it’s part of my nightly journey, and I’m learning how to cope.
  • 🍽️ Binge Eating & ARFID Food is complicated. Sometimes I overeat to soothe; sometimes textures or smells stop me cold. I’m learning balance and kindness toward my body every day.
  • 💔 GI Issues Stomach pain, bloating, discomfort—it’s more than just annoying. But I listen to my body and find what it needs, even when it's hard.
  • 🤸‍♂️ Hypermobility My joints bend too far, sometimes in painful or unexpected ways. It’s like my body has extra flexibility with a mind of its own.
  • 🔢 Dyscalculia & Dyslexia Numbers twist and flip, and sometimes so do words. But I’ve found ways to adapt—and that makes me resourceful, not broken.
  • 🩺 Blood Pressure & Heart Rate My heart beats louder than most. I track it, manage it, and protect it with intention and care.
  • 🧠 Gender Dysphoria Some parts of my body don’t reflect the truth inside me. It’s painful, but I face it with courage and hope.
  • 🔥 Trauma Life hasn’t been easy. I carry scars you can’t see. But I also carry strength—and I’m reclaiming my story one truth at a time.

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The Birthday Ambush

The Birthday Ambush Yesterday, when I first got to work at O’Reilly’s, I could tell something was up. Miranda and John were laughing, giggling, and cutting up. I watched them like a hawk, not taking my eyes off of them. They both tried to scare me—sneaking up behind me and shouting “Happy Birthday!” really loud, with Miranda filming it. I still jumped—loud noises startle me—but I was ready. Even in that chaotic moment, I felt safe, playful, and connected. Playful bonding Playful interactions with people I trust can be both exhilarating and grounding. I don’t have to suppress my startle response to enjoy connection. Embracing joy safely Humor, playful banter, and safe surprises can help release stress and strengthen relationships. I can lean into these moments as part of my self-regulation.
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Working with Miranda, teamwork and autism support

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Working with Miranda Friendship at work, autism awareness, and small moments that keep me steady. I work with my friend Miranda. We move through busy days together, one small moment at a time. Some days I am the helper. Some days she is. Most days we trade places without saying a word. That is what trust looks like for me at work. How we team up Miranda knows my patterns. When the store gets loud, she checks on me. When I get lost in a task, she gives me a simple cue. Sometimes it is a soft beep sound to help me shift attention. Sometimes it is a gentle look that says breathe. I do the same for her in my way. I grab parts, I keep things moving, I crack a joke when we both need a reset. When change hits hard Updates to the system can throw me off. My breath gets shallow. My body feels tight. When that happens, Miranda crouches so we are eye to eye and says breathe with me. One bre...
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The Honda Mix-Up

The Honda Mix-Up Today at O’Reilly I managed to stick my foot in my mouth without even meaning to. A customer pulled into the parking lot driving a Honda. Miranda asked if I wanted to restock or deal with them, and I—without thinking—said, “Yeah, I don’t like Hondas anyway.” Then she looked at me and reminded me… her car is a Honda. Oops. I scrambled, tried to backtrack with, “Well, I like yours,” but then of course she pointed out, “But mine’s a Honda.” At that point I was stuck in a loop, so I gave up and went to put things on the shelf. When I came back, I thought I was in the clear. She was laughing, so I figured the moment passed. Nope. She snuck up on me while I was on the phone and scared the daylights out of me. I nearly lost my ability to speak, caught between laughing and crying. P.S. Miranda, if you’re reading this—I officially declare for the record: your Honda is cool, and I’m really, really sorry for the mix-up. Please don’t sneak up on me again whil...
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Banana Pudding Tears: Honoring Papa’s Memory

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My Nephew Is Moving Out and It Has Me Thinking

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My Nephew Is Moving Out, and It Has Me Thinking Family reflections I can not have kids for medical reasons that I am not ready to share. Even if I could, I do not know that I would bring a child into this world right now. My health, my mental health, and my autistic challenges are real. It would not feel fair to them. I help raise my nephew and two nieces in our house with my mom and my grandma. I never planned this role, yet here I am. Their dad is gone. Their mom lives across town. I do what I can. I love them more than they know. Camren is moving out. In my mind he is still five, sprinting through leaves in the yard, both of us laughing while Mom shouts from the porch. Now he is taller than me. He works. He is finding his way. I am proud of him. If he leaves with one truth, let it be this. He will always have a home here. I do not understand how anyone can make home expire at eighteen. Love does not ...
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Ashes in the River & Bloodline: Latest Writing Update + Sneak Peek

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📚 Writing Update: Big Things Coming! Hey everyone, I wanted to take a moment to share some exciting updates about my writing journey. A lot has been happening behind the scenes, and I’m really looking forward to letting you all in on it. First, Ashes in the River has grown—what started as a 12-chapter plan is now shaping up to be 13 chapters . This psychological horror novel keeps surprising me as I write, and I want to make sure the story is told the way it deserves to be. My goal is to have it finished by spring, with a summer release next year . I can’t wait for you to dive into this story—it’s dark, emotional, and full of twists that even caught me off guard. On top of that, I’m still expanding Bloodline , which started as a short story but is now being developed into a full novella . The world and characters are really opening up, and it feels like the story is finally reaching its true depth. I’ve also been working on special edition details—lik...
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🦕 Why I Love Both Dark Dramas and Dino Nuggets

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Xander and the Soda Can of Doom

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Why I No Longer Go to Church, Losing Faith in What Never Reflected Jesus

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Why I No Longer Go to Church, Losing Faith in What Never Reflected Jesus A personal reflection from my autistic point of view ✢ The reason I no longer go to church is simple. Most churches do not represent what Jesus stood for. I am not sure they ever did. The message was meant to be love, care, and mercy. What I felt was judgment, noise, and control. I tried to find God in rows of pews. Instead I found rules that asked me to hide who I am. I am autistic. My senses take in everything. Lights, microphones, side talk, perfume, a baby crying, shoes on tile, all of it stacks up. My body starts buzzing and my chest tightens. People say smile. People say shake hands. People say talk to your neighbor. It feels like a script I did not write. If I miss a cue, the looks tell me I missed it. They say come as you are. What they mean is come if you can blend in. Come if you can sit sti...
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The Sound of Silence: Finding Friends Who Truly Understand Autism, Anxiety & Depression

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The Sound of Silence: Finding Friends Who Get It There have been so many times where I’ve been in a room full of people and still felt completely alone. It’s like everyone else is on the same frequency, and I’m just stuck on static. The world feels loud—too many voices, too many expectations, too much pressure to “fit in.” And I try. I mask. I laugh when I don’t feel like it, I force myself into small talk even though it drains me, and I walk away with nothing left in the tank. That’s the hard part about living with autism, depression, and anxiety—connection doesn’t come easy. It’s not that I don’t want it, it’s just that it costs me something. After some interactions, I go home feeling like I’ve run a marathon with no medal at the end. But then there are the people who make it different. The ones who let me sit in silence without making it awkward. The ones who don’t demand I be “on” all the time. For me, that’s Miranda and John. With Miranda, ...
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