🎃 When My Brain Just Can’t Let It Go

🎃 When My Brain Just Can’t Let It Go

Today at work we had a customer come in with a jeep that he had turned into a rock crawler. He said he had a code for a downstream O2 sensor, then told us he had removed his catalytic converters. I explained that he would need someone to reprogram his ECM to work without them. He didn’t want to hear it and said, “Well, it didn’t have a code for months after I did it.” I tried to tell him that you have to drive enough miles before the ECM even realizes something is wrong, but he just brushed it off and left.

Thirty minutes later, I was still talking about it with John. He finally asked, “Why do you and Miranda not leave stuff in the past? You both just keep talking about people or things that happened for days instead of letting it go.”

I stopped for a second and said, “I can’t speak for Miranda, but for me, my brain loops when something bugs me.” That’s the truth. When something doesn’t make sense, or when I feel like I wasn’t heard or understood, my brain locks onto it. It’s like a song stuck on repeat. I’ll keep replaying it, trying to make sense of why it happened or what I could have said differently.

That’s part of being autistic. My brain doesn’t just “move on.” It circles. It replays. It analyzes. Sometimes it needs to talk things out again and again until the emotional static quiets down. It’s not about holding a grudge or gossiping,it’s about trying to calm my nervous system that’s still buzzing from that moment.

So when I get stuck on something, I remind myself that I’m not broken or dramatic. My brain just needs a little extra time to process and file things away. And that’s okay. Some people move on in minutes. I just happen to need a few more loops around the track before I can rest.

Autistic brains don’t always “let it go.” Sometimes, we need to replay the scene until it finally stops echoing. 🍂