Safety Isn’t a Place—It’s the People

I was just lying here tonight, quiet and still, when a realization hit me like a soft but undeniable wave:

I mask more at home than I do at work.

That might sound backwards to some people, but if you’re autistic like me, you might get it instantly.

At work, I’m surrounded by Miranda, John, Chaz, and Mikey. That crew—those people—they make me feel safe. Fully safe. Like I can exist exactly as I am, stims and pauses and all, without worrying about judgment. I don’t have to think so hard about every little facial expression or body movement. I don’t have to constantly scan the room to see if I’m “too much” or “not enough.” I can just… be.

But at home? That’s where the mask comes back on—tight, subtle, exhausting.

Even though I’m technically “home,” I don’t feel truly safe unless I’m closed off in my bedroom. And even then, I don’t fully let my guard down. Some part of me stays on edge, waiting. Bracing. Managing.

It’s wild how much your body knows who you can be yourself around. Safety isn’t about the walls you live within—it’s about the people you’re with.

It’s not that I don’t love my family. But love doesn’t always equal safety. Especially when you grow up in a house full of emotional landmines, unspoken expectations, and constant masking just to keep the peace. Over time, that kind of tension teaches your brain and body that being home means being “on.”

But with the right people—people who see you and don’t flinch—something shifts. Something unlocks. You feel the freedom to stim openly, speak how you naturally speak, or just exist without having to rehearse it first. It’s the kind of peace that doesn’t demand anything from you.

That’s the safety I’ve found at work.

And that’s the safety I’m still learning to build for myself—brick by brick—in every space I occupy. Especially the ones I call home.

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Closing Message

If you’ve ever felt safer with friends than family, or if your “home” feels more like a mask than a refuge, know this: you’re not broken. You’re protecting yourself. And you deserve a world where you don’t have to. You deserve safety that doesn’t depend on silence.

Let’s keep building that world—together, with the people who see the real us and stay anyway.

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Quote to End On

"Sometimes the safest place isn’t a place at all—it’s a person who sees your cracks and never asks you to hide them." — Unknown