That Moment When Your Dark Humor Hits a Nerve

So I may have put my foot in my mouth today. Again.

I, in my not-so-innocent wisdom, dropped two spicy comments—one about using a serpentine belt to strangle myself, and the other suggesting the brake lathe instead for a more gruesome end. Yeah. That brake lathe one definitely crossed a line. But before I could filter it or catch my own brain for going full Saw franchise, it was already out there. John, sweet chaotic John, just looked at me and calmly said, “Yep, it’s time for you to go, Caleb. Get something to eat. Watch a movie. Call Miranda or your therapist.”

I, being the delightfully unhinged goblin that I am, started laughing my ass off. He didn’t laugh. He just stood there with this deeply concerned look that said: “This is not funny. Are you okay?” Which only made me laugh harder, because sometimes I genuinely can’t help it. Humor is my shield, my pressure valve, my accidental weapon of choice.

The thing is... I know I went too far. I wasn’t trying to scare anyone or make light of serious stuff. I just... cope like that. And sometimes my mouth moves before the internal sensor can say, “Hey maybe let’s not go full Final Destination at work today.”

I think I need to circle back with John. Not to apologize for being myself, but to let him know I appreciate him looking out for me. That I’m okay. That I get why he didn’t laugh. Because friendship isn’t just about cracking jokes—it’s also about recognizing when someone’s worried and letting them know they were heard.

What I Learned:

• My dark humor is valid—but not everyone can meet me there, and that’s okay.
• People who care might respond with concern, not laughter, and that’s not rejection.
• Sometimes you really do need to eat something, take a breath, and maybe not use workshop tools as metaphors.

What I Need to Do Differently:

• Pause before dropping the ultra-dark jokes in mixed company.
• Check in with folks if I accidentally spook them—it’s not weakness, it’s connection.
• Maybe let myself dial it down to “sarcastic chaos” instead of “gallows stand-up.” Just for a day.

This one's for anyone who uses humor like armor and sometimes forgets how sharp it can be. You're not alone in this weird, messy way of surviving. You’re human. You’re here. And you’re still fighting.