🌙 In for a Penny, In for a Pound

🌙 In for a Penny, In for a Pound

There’s something I’ve been carrying that I rarely say out loud. Most nights, after the weight of the day stacks up, I cry myself to sleep.

It feels exposing to admit that—to actually type it here, where someone else might read it. Part of me worries it’ll sound like too much, or like weakness. But my papa always used to say, “In for a penny, in for a pound.” If you’re already being honest, you might as well go all the way.

The truth is, the overwhelm doesn’t stop just because the world gets quiet at night. Sometimes, that’s when it shouts the loudest. And for me—being autistic, anxious, and carrying all this old grief and pressure—I don’t always know what to do with it except let it spill out.

I’ve realized I’ve never even told my therapist about this. Not because I don’t trust her—but because saying it feels like tearing down the last wall I have left. Even though she cares, and I know she won’t see me as weak, it’s still scary.

Most nights, I cry myself to sleep. It’s real, and it matters. And I hope it’s okay to share that part of me too.

If you’re reading this and you do the same thing—you’re not alone. And maybe we can both learn to say it out loud, even if our voices shake.

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🪶 Thank you for walking this quiet fight with me.
✒️ Written by Caleb | Autistic | Chronicles of a Quiet Fighter