Why Ren and Chinchilla Speak to My Soul

Why Ren and Chinchilla Speak to My Soul:
A Love Letter to Hi Ren & Gone Girl

I don’t usually open up about the music that gets under my skin and holds me when everything else feels too loud or too quiet. But Ren and Chinchilla? They’ve been my lifelines in so many ways. Their songs are raw, honest, and fierce — and they echo pieces of me I struggle to put into words.

Ren’s “Hi Ren” hits me deep because it’s like listening to the chaos inside my own head being spoken out loud. As an autistic person with anxiety and depression, the fight between wanting to give up and trying to keep it together is constant. Ren voices that battle — the self-doubt, the anger, the moments where you just want to disappear. But then he flips it to hope, reminding me “you are not your pain, you are not your past, you are love.” That line feels like a lifeline on my worst days, when my brain is a storm and I’m drowning in noise. It’s the kind of honesty I don’t always find in music, and it’s why I keep coming back to it.

On the flip side, Chinchilla’s “Gone Girl” is my anthem for reclaiming power when I feel overwhelmed or erased by the world. Sometimes, the weight of anxiety and just living with constant challenges crushes me. But Chinchilla’s fierce voice and that line — “she’s gone girl, and she ain’t coming back” — remind me I can take back control. I can step away from the pain and say, “No more.” It’s not just a song; it’s a spell I repeat to myself when I need strength.

And when I really need a good pick-me-up, I turn to “Chalk Outlines” — their collaboration. Both Ren and Chinchilla bring such raw emotion and energy, it feels like they’re singing exactly what I’m feeling but better than I ever could. It’s my go-to when I need to remind myself I’m not alone in the mess, and that there’s power in being vulnerable.

These songs aren’t just music to me. They’re emotional anchors. When I’m struggling with depression or my anxiety spikes, or when my sleep apnea and insomnia make everything worse, these voices reach inside and pull me through. They give me permission to feel everything without shame.

Ren and Chinchilla give me a way to put words to my complex feelings — the parts that are hard to explain because they don’t fit neatly into boxes. They remind me that being broken and powerful can live in the same space. That I’m allowed to be messy, fierce, fragile, and alive all at once.

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A Tribute to Ren

Ren’s Hi Ren isn’t just a song — it’s a raw, unfiltered glimpse into his personal battle. His courage to put his inner turmoil, struggles with illness, and fight for meaning into words and music is nothing short of inspiring. He bares his soul with brutal honesty, showing that pain and hope can coexist.

Though this is his story, not mine, I want to honor the bravery it takes to share something so real. Ren’s music reminds all of us that the darkest moments can fuel the brightest light. His journey is a testament to resilience, creativity, and the power of facing yourself head-on.

Thank you, Ren, for sharing your story. Your voice gives strength to those of us navigating our own battles, reminding us that we are not alone.

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Lyrics: Hi Ren by Ren

Hi there Ren, it's been a little while, did you miss me?
You thought you'd buried me, didn't you? Risky
'Cause I always come back, deep down, you know that
Deep down, you know I'm always in the periphery
Ren, aren't you pleased to see me?
It's been weeks since we spoke bro, I know you need me
You're the sheep, I'm the shepherd, not your place to lead me
Not your place to be biting off the hand that feeds me

Hi Ren, I've been taking some time to be distant
I've been taking some time to be still
I've been taking some time to be by myself
Since my therapist told me I'm ill
And I've been making some progress lately
And I've learnt some new coping skills
So I haven't really needed you much, man
I think we need to just step back and chill

Ren, you sound more insane than I do
You think that those doctors are really there to guide you?
You've been through this a million times
Your civilian mind is so perfect at always being lied to

Okay, take another pill boy
Drown yourself in the sound of white noise
Follow this ten-step program, rejoice
All your problems will be gone! Fuckin' dumb boy

Nah, mate, this time it's different, man, trust me
I feel like things might be falling in place
And my music's been kinda doing bits too
Like I actually might do something great
And when I'm gone, maybe I'll be remembered
For doing something special with myself

That's why I don't think that we should talk, man
'Cause when you're with me, it never seems to help
You think that you can amputate me?
I am you, you are me, you are I, I am we
We are one, split in two that makes one, so you see
You got to kill you if you wanna kill me
I'm not left over dinner, I'm not scraps on the side

Oh, your music is thriving? Delusional guy
Where's your top ten hit? Where's your interview with Oprah?
Where are your Grammies, Ren? Nowhere!

Yeah, but, my music's not commercial like that
I never chased numbers, statistics or stats
I never write hooks for the radio, they never even play me
So why would I concern myself with that?

But my music is really connecting
And the people who find it, respect it
And for me, that's enough 'cause this life's been tough
So it gives me a purpose I can rest in

Man, you sound so pretentious
Ren, your music is so self-centred
No one wants to hear another song about
How much you hate yourself, trust me

You should be so lucky, having me inside you to guide you
Remind you to manage expectations
Provide you perspective, that thing you neglected, I get it

You wanna be a big deal, next Jimi Hendrix? Forget it
Man, it's not like that
Man it's just like that, I'm inside you, you twat

No, it's not man, you're wrong, when I write, I belong
Let me break the fourth wall by acknowledging this song
Ren sits down, has a stroke of genius
He wants to write a song that was not done previous
A battle with his subconscious, Eminem did it
Played on guitar, Plan B did it
Man, you're not original, you criminal, rip-off artist

The pinnacle of your success is stealing other people's material
Ren, mate, we've heard it all before
Uh, "she sells seashells on the sea shore"

Fuck you, I don't need you, I don't need to hear this
'Cause I'm fine by myself, I'ma genius
And I will be great, and I will make waves
And I'll shake up the whole world beneath us

That's right, speak your truth, your fuckin' God complex leaks out of you
It's refreshing to actually hear you say it instead of downplay it
"Ugh, music Is all about the creative process and if people can find
Something to relate to within that, then that's just a bonus"

Fuck you, I'ma fuckin' kill you, Ren
Well fuckin' kill me then, let's fuckin' have you Ren
I'm a do it, watch me prove it, who are you to doubt my music?
'Cause I call the shots. I choose if you die
Yeah, I call the shots, and so I who choose who survives
I'll tie you up in knots when I'll lock you inside

News flash
I was created at the dawn of creation
I am temptation, I am the snake in Eden
I am the reason for treason, beheading all Kings
I am sin with no rhyme or reason

Sun of the morning, Lucifer, antichrist
Father of lies, Mestophilies
Truth in a blender, deceitful pretender
The banished avenger, the righteous surrender

When standing in-front of my solar eclipse
My name it is stitched to your lips, so, you see
I won't bow to the will of a mortal, feeble and normal
You wanna kill me? I'm enteral, immortal

I live in every decision that catalysed chaos
That causes division
I live inside death, the beginning of ends
I am you, you are me, I am you, Ren

Hi Ren, I've been taking some time to be distant
I've been taking some time to be still
I've been taking some time to be by myself
And I've spent half my life ill

But just as sure as the tide starts turning
Just as sure as the night has dawn
Just as sure as rainfall soon runs dry
When you stand in an eye of the storm

I was made to be tested and twisted
I was made to be broken and beat
I was made by His hand, it's all part of His plan
That I stand on my own two feet

And you know me, my will is eternal
And you know me, you've met me before
Face-to-face with a beast, I will rise from the east
And I'll settle on the ocean floor