What Friendship Means to Me as an Autistic Adult

What Are Friends and What They Mean to Me

Friends, to me, are the people I trust enough to actually talk to. And when I say “talk to,” I mean really talk to—the kind of conversation that costs spoons, not just the small social talk we do to survive day-to-day life.

When I open up to someone, it’s sacred. I don’t do that easily. I don’t have many friends, so when I choose to share my energy with someone, I cherish those connections deeply.

Miranda is probably the closest friend I have. I rely on her—maybe more than I should—but she’s always there. She’s my protector, especially at work. Sometimes, she notices I’m spiraling before I even realize it myself.

John is the wise one. His advice has carried me through some really dark times. He’s like my grounding voice.

Chaz may no longer be at our store, but he still checks in. His voice has a calming effect like no one else’s. He still plays an important role in my life.

Mikey is like a brother. His ADHD has him all over the place—wild and energetic—but I love him for it. That chaos is part of who he is.

These people make up my circle. My ohana. They define who I am just as much as I define parts of them. If you want to truly know me, you need to understand who they are—because they are pieces of me, and I am a piece of them.

Then there’s me. I’m the autistic one. The quiet one. The one everyone looks out for, makes sure I’m okay, makes sure I’m not left out. Yeah, sometimes they treat me like I’m a kid—even though I’m 35 and they’re all in their 20s. It’s kind of funny. I act younger than them, but it’s not immaturity. It’s just how my brain works. I can’t help that.

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📝 Note to Neurotypical Readers:

If you’re unfamiliar with a few of the terms I used, here’s a little context to help:

• Spoons: A concept from Spoon Theory, used to describe limited energy. Every task — from talking to getting dressed — uses up a spoon. When you’re out, you’re done for the day.
• Spiraling: When thoughts or emotions feel overwhelming or out of control, often due to anxiety, stress, or sensory overload.
• Ohana: A Hawaiian word meaning "family" — not just by blood, but chosen. The people who choose you back.

Friendship, for many autistic people, isn’t casual—it’s sacred. If we open up to you, it’s not out of habit. It’s a choice. One that costs energy, effort, and trust.

So if an autistic person lets you in, take that seriously. Listen without trying to fix. Be present without rushing us. Respect our space, and know that sometimes, just existing alongside us in quiet support is more powerful than words.

💙 My friends are my safety net, my mirrors, and my anchors. They’re not just in my life—they’re part of my story.