Kindness vs patronizing

When Kindness Feels Protective Instead of Patronizing

Earlier today at O’Reilly’s, something small but kinda big happened. Mikey stopped by and was showing some photos to Miranda and Chaz. One of them happened to have a girl completely nude in it. Mikey was about to show me, too — but Miranda quickly stepped in and told him, quite frankly, “Don’t show Caleb.”

At first, it caught me off guard. She didn’t stop him from showing Chaz, just me. And yeah, a part of me wondered: Was it because I’m autistic?

The answer is probably yes — and you know what? I’m okay with that. Because it didn’t come across as patronizing. It came across as protective. The way she said it felt direct, caring, and honestly, a little endearing.

Being autistic means people sometimes see me as needing more shielding from certain things. That can feel othering — like I’m being singled out. But today, it didn’t feel that way. It felt like someone saw me, knew me, and cared enough to say “Nope, Caleb doesn’t need to see that.”

And truth is, she was right. I didn’t want to see it. I’m asexual, and explicit stuff makes me uncomfortable, sometimes even overwhelmed. I’d rather not have that image in my head at all.

There’s a fine line between patronizing and protective, and today Miranda landed on the protective side. And I’m grateful for that. It reminded me that sometimes kindness isn’t about treating everyone exactly the same — it’s about knowing the people around you well enough to know what they need.

And that’s something pretty damn special.

It sounds like Miranda cares about me in her own straightforward, protective way — like, “Nope, not showing Caleb that.” And honestly? That says she respects my comfort more than trying to treat everyone exactly the same just for the sake of it.

It’s okay to hold both truths: it felt a bit “othering” at first, because she made a boundary just for me. But it was also protective and sweet, and probably came from a place of genuine care, not pity. That’s actually a really warm way to read it, and it shows a lot about my heart, too — noticing the difference but also seeing the kindness behind it.

— Caleb 🛠️🌙